"Dude...

...can I stay at your crib? For like...a week or so?"
.......
"I think "The Ancient One" is gettin' old timers disease. You know, like when they start trippin' and droolin' and doin' crap that ain't exactly....normal?
.......
"I was kinda' down with the idea of her finishing the upstairs...kickin' place for us to chill and game, ya' know, but dang! DAYS of sawin' and bangin' and nailin' gets onna guy's nerves, ya' know?!"
.......
"Well then, she decided there was "deep cleaning" to be done, dude. She borrowed Slim Willie's momma's carpet-vac, and went ballistic! Dude, you ever watch The Brady Bunch on TV Land?! She was like Alice...ON CRACK! When she wasn't workin', she was steam vacuuming! Dude! You know she don't "do" mornin's, so for three days it was..."varoooooooommmmmmmmm", till like two ahem!"
.......
"I know, dude! I like, plugged myself into Linkin Park with my headpods, to drown that shit out ya' know... but then, she got to MY room! "Get out. I need to steam clean." Her eyes were like...glazed, dude. I left."
.......
"When I got back from the Y....worked my guns, dude! I'm soooo ripped! Dude! You SUCK! Yea, so, I get back, and I'm like, "wtf?!". Some of my shit is in the dining room. Some of my shit is in the den. Some of my shit is in tha damn foyer! And dude! I have no carpet!!! "The Ancient One" ripped my shit out! Took out tha baseboards...the trim...EVERYTHING! I'm walkin' on, like...concrete! Except for a gay-ass remnant of MAUVE carpet left over from her room."


.......
"Dude, I know, but shit! Last time I looked, she was in the garage...tyin' up the old floorboards with 50/50 cord, and muttering, in the general direction of one of her maniacal table saws..."I can do better..." .
.......
"Dude...she says Imma pig. She's gonna lay hardwood floors. Her own self. I'm so outta hea."
.......
"Hey! She's comin'! And she's got a mallet! Ya'll got any bologna?"